Im sorry if I have rambled on so long I just needed to vent and dont want to do this with the family because then they will think bad of him. 1- they had food, 2- i had asked that therapist to be registered to food bank in case for months she knew.. so no she was not bringing me anywhere. Hes a loner and so am I so I thought wed be compatible. I never solved it, it just wasnt there any more. Why may be difficult to understand. . I want to be able to do more observing and not inhaling and absorbing that behavior, but you can probably tell that this is of course what I do. He goes to help his ex wife in another state and sleeps in her bed because she has a tiny place. Maybe thats just evidence that some things can be more than one thing, and that someone can be a bit Aspergers AND a bit narcissistic. The unabomber didnt want to be touched by his parents when child and more autismtypical traits. I however also suspect him of being a narcissist. The worst case scenario was a workaholic trait which eventually took its toll and the sexual abuse came to light. Rather than getting upset by this, I recommend practicing acceptance. Psychiatrists say its me that learned, for survival, to mimic my family, my parents. If I do not go to my basket willingly, then I ahve found that the verbal attacks would become more and more hostile until eventually I would be physically attacked. Not now, that I have my answers. I love the comparative chart that you have listed above because looking at that you really do notice the big differences between the two; whereas if you are just looking at someone with their surface behaviors, you might think that they are one and the same. My family will do ANYTHING to avoid being wrong and to pass the buck something I also take umbridge with. I had a deeper understanding regarding the mind and how it stores memories in a very young childs body and this was the key to my brother getting a team of therapists behind him. But after reading comments on this website I am totally convinced it is narcissism with my spouse. I met my second wife, and same thing happened, but it lasted longer (the books and strategies worked). For example, many people with high-functioning autism are capable of manipulation, guilt-tripping, and not allowing you to say no. Autism linked to mirror neuron dysfunction. Another idea, is to step back from your life and look at it from an outsiders point of view. there I said it, is the world still running? I am married and have been for 6 yrs. My partner of 8yrs feels told me he was aspergers, but looking at those charts, I think hes probably 1/3 narcissist. Fantastic books, Id recommend them to anyone in recovery, and anyone interested in the human condition. Im a laid back person & im used to him not talking to me & wanting his own space to do his own thing & not socialising , but sometimes he gets me so stressed I end up with a bad headache & feel sick. I have been with my partner for more than 12 years now. To my mind this is what life and love is but it can also be debilitating to tender souls. He was a very hands on dad, but always felt like he wasnt good enough not understanding himself with aspergers. AMAZINGLY because of the way he was and because of my self medication with wine to get through this. I try to be as humble and honest as i can but in our world the narcs are everywhere and they abuse it everytime they can so i had to change. Attracting people outside your own age group is an Asperger's trait. The issues need to be addressed and they are complex , mind boggling and extremely painful to look at. This is not something any of my family have had to encounter before and I really struggle with it. Break up and never look back. My brother stopped communicating with me. How did you come to this conclusion? Advices for someone in relationship with narcissist: You be the one in charge, not him. Why did I move in with her when we first met about 20 years ago? Narcs if only they could self-destroy each other instead of trying to beat the few good people that are left in this world haa :(. As a therapist working with people affected by someone elses personality condition, Im often asked the question, How do I know if my partner is a narcissist or if they have Aspergers? This is an interesting question. Which makes me suspicious. Good luck. It was amusing when I read your sentence think of all the mean things hes done to you, not the good things. and my immediate thought was, what good things? I didnt realize that but it makes sense. I can not lie or hide my thoughts, opinions or feelings what you see is what you get. Your new life is just waiting for you to find it. I was partner of person with high functioning Aspergers for 18 years. This is something perhaps to think about in trying to find a psychologist that will test adults, and what level you are on. I will note these books, one of which he was recommended by his therapist.The Body Keeps The Score. He is very intelligent man but I wonder sometimes if hes not on a spectrum somewhere. Please dont underestimate how hard changing your perspective can be!!! I told her it was rooted in her traumatic past and are the primary reasons that she treated people who cared about her poorly. Hyde), Wants a playbook (structure and predictability), On a spectrum from low functioning to high functioning, On a spectrum from normal-range behavior to. He is kind, considerate, loving, thoughtful, caring and tells me everyday how much I mean to him and how loved I am. He then insists I look at them several times a day, tells me hates them, and he cant cope with how upset they make him. Also someone with Asbergers focusses more on themselves, where as the Narcissistic person focusses on criticising and manipulating others. Even 100 years ago, it would be very rude to ignore a letter. So I have had my time pulling my hair out and being hugely frustrated and desperate for an answer how to handle her. The ones that work to gain your trust.. work in fields like these.. are nice .. too nice.. then stab you in the back or when you ask.. the important questions like mine.. they suddenly start working in the same direction aas my family. Like looking through real glass and not the rose coloured kind. Hes extremely intelligent, honest and dependable. He never asks how I am, and only asks what I think about something to help him make a decision, because hes incapable of making them. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. I have a daughter living with me and she has level 2 autism. If you go as psy you must want to help, make people feel better.. not destroy them or make them worst. I think these are both related to the abuse that Im sure (but without any evidence) that they received. It is a neurologically caused developmental condition. or do these people require comorbidities with NPD (ASPD) and/or BPD to hoover? My child has been diagnosed as being Autistic. I had to tell him 3 different occasions the same thing before he realized what I said and was surprised. Read some anthropology. Nine months ago his 34 year old daughter moved back in with him after getting a divorce and had an old dog that had been living with her friend while shed been married and now wanted it at her dads place to live with her. He was always right and I was wrong (even when I wasnt). I have included a link if I may that may help with some understanding of the situation. One woman explained her narcissistic partner so well and all the things that had been happening to her and how she had such a guilt complex, that I could see my situation and this was a turning point in my life as well. Even if i can prove that my father committed horrible crimes against me and my family and frauded his work for millions, nobody listens or care what i say. I apologise for this being so long, but its a huge subject with a lot of traps for the unwary. I could easily be wrong about what I said. Robin. Realize you may not be able to teach a person with narcissism how to be different. I just, cant tell what exactly i am. If it happened to me, it could happen to anybody. These are human beings and he seems to brush them off like flies. Joanna. I did wonder whether someone could have both which is what brought me to this page. Some of the seeing form opinions, that the Blind guy is just being obstinate or purposely manipulative, because he knows more about the statue than the rest of the room, and pretends to not be able to describe the image or colour. I do think his obsession with his daughter will go down somewhat once she leaves as the incessant talking about her although still a lot, was not as bad when she wasnt living with him. They pushed me and then sometimes helped or suggested me student loan or something like that, that they would sign for me etc. I am an advocate for marriage, I believe in it and I greived greatly when my marriage ended. Perhaps stepping back from your family, husband and anyone else in your life, and trying to feel if they have good vibes (as my autistic daughter says) may allow you to find those you want in your life and those you dont. He does whats right for him because he struggles to understand whats right for others. I have learned people with Aspergers or autism as its now called suffer from a lot of anxiety. metal poisoning, food intolerance etc He sure as hell wasnt schizophrenic. An APA study in 2021 found that 79 percent of workers reported work-related stress, with many heading for burnout. Even with people you once knew well. How many diagnosed autistic people get pushed aside due to this belief? I feel sorry for people reading this trying to get help for their narcissism. But my fear is that the relief is temporary.. i wont be relieved for 40 years What will happen to me when that moves on.. the emptiness of my life, the whole thing.. is pretty dam bad. I am very supportive of his family and I ask questions and give him feedback but even when I bring my family he doesnt really seem too interested. Perhaps he acquired a paranoid personality disorder on top of that or at least depressive traits. I definitely think Autism comes first, with Narcissism, sociopathy, abuser last.I think Autistics probably learn to copy and emulate others in their early years, and when frustrations of adulthood keep coming, they go into the mean, raging, boastfulness of Narcissism. Childhood traumas need to be dealt with promptly but when these traumas are not understood they show up in the most peculiar ways. His was all about him, him, him, hers is more about where she belongs in this world and the bubble (as she calls it) she lives in and has to step out of to face what goes on in the rest of the world. I have three GREAT kids. If you can sense this in a partner and you see enough of them to love them then its worth a try. I sat down on my bed, said a prayer and asked for forgiveness for the person I had become. HELL YA! I am so glad I am not the only one struggling with this diagnosis dilemma. And i checkmark some of boths. He has recently come to terms with the fact he may have high functioning autism. Its like a surgeon in a surgery room see a person bleeding to death and hes like well hope you will clean up the mess when you get better cauz i wont and leave I mean.. its insane They have 0 logic.. 0 brain. I am not sane and never will be but i prefer to need to feed from others happiness than the opposite. It isnt. That said, she was abusing me over an extended period of time whether it was High-functioning Autism, NPD, BPD, ASPD, C-PTSD, Substance addiction, or any number of combinations of these conditions. I hope you and your brother find ways through, may you both find, in your different lives, peace and love. But.. No i ahve.. never been happier or .. less sad? Ive noticed when I interject a remark to change the subject, he pauses then launches right back into what he was saying, he doesnt even register what Ive said. You need to cut the string he has attached to you. Because of the similarities between Asperger's and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, there is frequently confusion. What gets me most is he takes no interest in the house, I own the house and he moved in with me from living with his parents. I have High Functioning Autism and I also have antisocial tendencies I must always keep properly managed. I shouldnt have done that. I loved the world, everyone. Do not be satisfied with the status quo; instead, get in there and help your loved one learn how to relate to you in a healthy way. The person I encountered six months ago is very highly intelligent and kept telling me he was confused at times and aware Im being triggered by his behaviour. I figured early that things were wrong, my parents, brothers and other members of my family were doing/saying things that are horrible often totally illegal. Perhaps, unless someone who is really close to them, knows them well and can see it. I am not talking about the narcissist here they are a different kettle of fish. So is this why its called the autistic spectrum? Break up and never look back. This can be difficult, but I found if I distanced myself and stuck to the basics and very few of those, and avoided being baited, narcissists are very good at baiting, I could then walk away each time. I probably triggered her to self-medicate. Thats changing because she has done so much therapy and is in a healthier place than she could ever have hoped to be. Asperger's does not exist in a bubble that protects it from co-morbid disabilities and mental defects. The problem is I know my father is an narcissist, I have thought that for many years. Im very patient with him. But it is definite now. Im guessing he didnt understand that his guilt-tripping behaviour was in fact guilt-tripping and would cause me to feel horrible, because he has the autistic trait of not having some of that surface-level emotional and situational understanding. My way to determine the difference is via the behaviour called gasslighting. I should be.. i dont know, depressed? He has hated every place we have rented, and spent most of his time we have lived in places demanding we move out and me dealing with every issue hes had, which is basically about noise. Its hard to conceive, it took me 20+ years to figure out myself. Because there are many individuals that are not the same? I wasnt after marriage as I have learned this isnt always appropriate for some but it doesnt mean a relationship cannot develop that will be satisfying for both parties. He keeps demanding support, care, listening, which is reasonable, but I get very little. Like he has some wiring thats off and doesnt realize it. How is that to their advantage? I was convinced my husband is a narc and left him because of it. Narcissism is a personality condition that ranges from mild to severe. Even if i had multiple therapies, therapists, psychiatrists. I think I partly understand why it went but it would take a lot of explaining, and Ive probably written enough in this comment. The First and Last Freedom, by J.Krishnamurti If you build house you build houses! I have also recently realised that there is a recognised name for how my hub makes me feel energy vampire . I was not looking for another relationship and did not date other men as I thought I had had my chance at marriage. I was out of food not sick or going mentally bad! If this fellow you have been seeing does have Aspergers as you mentioned he watches the same movie over and over, you will need to learn as much as you can about the condition to be able to understand how to handle someone with it. I was a slow learner as far as see my hubby as a narcissist. Can I please get a clarification here? depression. Narcs are all about the power and putting poeple in their place i.e. Frederic, please try to encourage happiness, in yourself, and any person who understands you. He was a great one for untruths, it worries my daughter to not stick with the truth. You did it with the narcissism and heres my congratulations for trying your best to understand that complex situation. However, hes very one-dimensional and not connected to his feelings. But I keep hurting her by my crippling inaction on a bunch of things like keeping up with bookkeeping for our business (which puts her financial security in jeopardy), or getting life insurance for myself. Perhaps if you did some research yourself on narcissism and manipulation you may get a better sense of whether this is happening to you or not. So if i know how to get rich, i have the abilities to, why would i envy others success? Treatment. Not everyone wants to help like I do. 1. When a person is neurodivergent, it means that their brain learns and processes differently than people who are considered neurotypical. I will certainly go to that site as you suggest because as you can see from my texts I dont know which way is up anymore just that something is not right. I am also a survivor of pretty horrendous child sexual and physical abuse, starting in my first year of life and going on till puberty (age about 12 or 13) when the perpetrator lost interest in me and turned his attention elsewhere. My father was a horrible narcissist, my mother wasnt, I began to take on his traits as these were the most powerful in the house, then one day I realised I didnt want to be like that, I preferred the gentleness, kindness and thoughtfulness of my mother, and hopefully Im still that today as I reach my autumn years. I finally gave in and went out for dinner with him and we have now been married for 6 years. With the publication of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), this label disappeared, replaced by autism spectrum. I was hoovered not once, not twice, but thrice by a woman Im pretty sure has high-functioning autism and c-ptsdthat is, if her story checks out. He is a movie buff and can watch the same movie over and over, sometimes within the same week. If I give him space he finds the words. I have a very interesting inner life trying and making sense of my life to the present moment but have no idea whether all this info could be used to move therapy to a better place with unarguable regulation for all. I have my own life Ive developed, (reinstituted) although that wasnt easy as I also have some severe arthritis to deal with from accidents, etc. It doesnt bother me at the time, but the next couple of days Im shaky inside and feel a bit sick. Three major crises, two of them breakdowns each requiring 2 months on a hospital ward. I care about him and dont like pointing these things out to him as he says I look to make big deals out of nothing, they go on the list so now Im beginning to wonder about myself. Good luck. I did this to get my head around my ex (who was a psychopath) and asked myself, would I walk past him in the street, and the answer was yes. underneath them. He may also have a certain amount of autism. Holey moley, sometimes you have to go deep down in the comments to find the real deal :) Thanks! Research I have found has moved me forward in my understanding. The reason Im relating this is because whether a person is Autistic or otherwise they are people!!!! My father has a warped sense of reality, but at the same time he is quite anti social and has reccently had issues with anxiety. I watched a DVD recently by a psychologist called Dr Richard Eisenmeyer. He says theres no sex and professes confusion as to why that would bother me. are included. Perhaps a thought is to step back and look at him like he is someone you dont know, someone just on the street. It is liberating to understand the situation and adjust yourself accordingly rather than expecting the situation to adjust to you. After over 30 years I have been worn down and become apathetic, permanently tired, lacking in motiviation and unable to find much joy in my life. Then there is the story of the post-trauma. it does seem possible to have both or at least traits of both. The last one disappeared somehow, I noticed, when I began to recover from the 2nd 2015 breakdown. He has qualities from both sides of the chart straight from the top to the bottom. Now Im not sure if I believe him. Even if they have high IQs they are still total retards on a human level and its mostly them that run the society.. wonder why its going so bad? saying it was all my fault bla bla. Because my family were nasty game players, I became more desperate to fit in and then easier to use and manipulate. Guess who was chosing me? This will require patience and perseverance. Over this past couple of years through my unconditional love for him he has come to the realisation that he does have aspergers syndrome and is now starting to understand himself and why he is different to most other people around us. There was an element of narcissism too. Does he object if you want to go out independently, and if so he may well be narcissistic in his behaviour. So i did not.. get no help on that side. She even pushed me to lose 100,000$ i had won gmabling while i was just tyring to quit knowing it was all going back. I was an extremely broken person by the end of our marriage and spent many years working on myself as I have always been determined to want the best out of life. I dont have a partner, I dont need one, my brain is now at peace not screwed up by someone else trying to manipulate it. I spent the next few years working on myself, looking after the family and working full time in an office which was good for me at that time. That was just the trigger. Autism and a Narcissistic Personality Disorder could suit him? So I did some ringing around different psychologist and was finally given the contact details of one that did. For one thing, both are on a spectrum. if I may add it to this reply. Im family minded so its been difficult to put myself first ,but im learning. I have no attacks, no one everyday is trying to ruin my life. They are dead inside completly. No again. He said I it was from a 30 year job in law enforcement where that is accepted but I think its just the way he is like he has no clue not to do it. This is a great tool for breaking those similarities down and seeing where the real differences are. This means being around people she doesnt know causes her anxiety she cant control, so to counteract this she retreats back into her safe place. Both.. one after another.. a decade in between each other.. parent tried to kill me. Here is a link that gives quite a good explanation: autismspectrum.org.au/sites/default/files/Vic/The%20DSM%205%20Autism%20Spectrum%20Disorder%20criteria.pdf Then another decade or two of OK and good times, regular job etc. So how could i tell? Depression, by Paul Hauck I have had a life of complex PTSD from child sexual abuse too. Permission to publish granted by Sharie Stines, PsyD, GoodTherapy.org Topic Expert. Then i was disabled and sent home for life where my parents would try more than ever to finish me off. If we can generate these so called disorders in humans and animals (unethical I agree) with basic methods of no surprise to the modern up to date (i.e. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Break up and never look back. I understand if you dont want to add this comment to your site. A few months later there was a second flashback. This article generalizes far, far too much for it to be trustworthy. Ive started to see a counselor to gain better understanding of myself and to try to change but Im now worries that maybe my narcissistic side is manipulating this poor fellow and were just pretending to deal with things that arent the root cause of my problems that ultimately present as abuse or neglect of my spouse. I try my best with them but my psy is a narc the type of my father (he physician boss in healthcare) and my therapists most are narcs too the weak ones like my mother. Im in a 30 year relationship with an empathic woman who is just wonderful. Why are you stealing x.. or lying about your friends. An afterthought, research the effects of heavy metals and food additives. Thanks for listening. I found this article really helpful and clarifying but because of my own autism, I still find it incredibly difficult to distinguish other peoples motives, especially when they seem to frequently chop and change. i have autism and im not one-dimensional. I contacted her psychologist and asked if they tested adults. My brother and I just happened to be born to a mother who developed schizophrenia (if this was a true diagnosis back in the 1950s). Delilah My family.. hates me with a.. mortal passion. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. I wonder myself, as I learned eventually to to tap into my mothers sanity, albeit temporarily, which was a gift in itself. She lives with me. He compliments me on how I look etc, mostly physical things. It was very difficult growing up with an older sibling who was very manipulative and all about self. He had been three times married too. 7. While I absolutely LOVE being right and will happily crow about it when I am, I am actually more interested in finding THE TRUTH than in being right and I can readily admit to being wrong or making a mistake. I have lost count of how many emails I have sent, doors knocked, letters posted, complaints to councils made, about the noise neighbours we have had make. All I ever wanted was to be valued and to feel like I was an important person in his life. The two books we have read are Look Me in the Eye and Born On a Blue Day, if I may add them here. Its the detail that is the secret for this unfortunate person , to be unravelled, somehow , and that is where trust is crucial and most elusive. People with Aspergers Syndrome typically have difficulty with social interaction and communication. It may be painful and frustrating but if you can make a connection with a special support worker I think your life may start to make sense.
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